


I Am Human

by Murdochs



Series: Solaris' Cradle [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Fem!Severus Snape, Gender or Sex Swap, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-05
Updated: 2014-10-05
Packaged: 2018-02-20 00:24:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2408372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Murdochs/pseuds/Murdochs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>"It is the burning in her arm that tells her something has gone wrong. It's not painful, not like it is when the Dark Lord calls for her and she ignores it for too long, but it isn't pleasant, either. It sends chills down her spine, and makes her stomach roil with an emotion she hasn't felt in more than a year and has no name for."<i></i></i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Am Human

**Author's Note:**

> You know what no one ever does? ~*Fem!Severus Snape*~  
> Several details have been tweaked for the sake of the story line (aspects of the interprectation of the initial Prophecy, mainly) but overall it makes some sort of sense.  
> NOTE :: I do not own Harry Potter. Things you recognise are the creation of the author, things you don't are probably also property of JK Rowling.

Saturday, 8th August, 1981~

"I need to talk to you."

Severa's statement, spewed immediately from her mouth when the door to the little cottage before her had swung open, nearly makes her wince. She sounds desperate, her voice rough with too much wine and too little sleep, and she can tell the couple standing just past the threshold are just as surprised as she is. It may be an effect of finding Severa Snape on their doorstep at ten thirteen pm, though, and she doesn't have time to wonder. She flicks her eyes from the woman, her one-time friend, to that of the man beside her.

"Both of you."

The red-haired woman, Lily, immediately nods, reaching out to grasp Severa's hand and tug her into the small home, muttering apologies for her husband's rudeness as she leads Severa- and James trailing after them- into the kitchen. She sits Sev- because she's Sev to Lily, the empty little twinge in her gut tells her, she was when they were children and she will be until her dying day- gently in one of the wooden chairs and sets about making tea, reaching into a cabinet for a jar of biscuits as James hovers awkwardly.

Sev understands what the man must be feeling- a quiet night in with his wife and child suddenly ruined by a school-yard nemesis on the stoop does not a calming situation make- and feels another little twinge in her gut. She experiences a momentary, somewhat wine-fueled longing to reach out and comfort him before she strangles the sensation; she's supposed to be sullen and foreboding, damnit, not giggly with residual hormones!

"Why are you here, Sev?" Lily pushes the jar of cookies- chocolate, yum- across the table, not bothering to beat around the bush so late at night. Severa smiles, remembering many a time when Lily's House-affiliated bluntness had shocked her into ceding control in the middle of a fight when they were teenagers. It makes her want to cry- again, with the wine and hormones!- though, of course, she doesn't. She merely sniffs haughtily, taking the cup of tea James offers her and sipping at it so as not to burn her tongue. Enough sugar to taste, exactly to her preference.

"Severa?" Lily looks up sharply, her brow knit together in mild confusion at James's use of Sev's given name. Severa doesn't blame her; practically from the get-go he and his friends, those Marauding fools, had given her the horrid nickname of Snivellus Snape, occasionally shortened to just Snivelly or (most often) Snivs when it suited them. When they did use her given name it was always her surname- the only gift her horrid Muggle father had deigned to grace upon her- and always with a bit of sourness in their tone.

Just now, though, Sev could've sworn he sounded almost... gentle? Not abrasive. She sighs, shaking herself of the thought; no use dwelling on it, or putting off her reason for being here any longer. She takes a breath, looking Lily directly in the eye as she sets down her tea.

"I've had a child."

Lily's face lights up before the last syllable is fully out of Sev's mouth, a peal of delighted laughter ringing out that startles Severa badly enough that she gives a small jump. Her tea sloshes over the rim of her borrowed mug, scalding the back of her hand.

"Oh, Sev, that's wonderful! A baby- when did it happen? Who's the lucky father; is it someone we know?"

Lily has not been her friend for a very long time; though it's not been horribly long since they sat up gossiping- which amounted to Lily studying and deflecting while Severa went about whinging about Potter and Black- in the Room til well after midnight, only five scant years, but that's a quarter of their lives. They've both grown up since then. Severa really shouldn't feel as terrible, as apprehensive, as she does about imparting the next bit of information. Her heart- filled with a ridiculous, impossible amount of feeling- leads a small rebellion against her mind even as she opens her mouth to answer.

"It's," She has to stop, swallow past the lump that's grown in her throat. "He's nobody. Just a faceless man in the Dark Lord's ranks, brought in for a stint as the evening's entertainment to punish the poor sod's wife."

 

Lily sucks in a shocked lungful of air as James settles next to her with a stony expression. "How do you figure into the equation?"  


Severa turns a bitter, self-deprecating smile towards her ex-rival, quashing down the wave of nausea she feels as she answers.

"How do you think his wife was punished?"

A slightly pained sound escapes Lily, as if she's doing all she can to keep herself from moaning in agony, but Severa brushes any emotional comfort she gains aside as she nibbles at a biscuit. Now is not the time for offering or receiving comfort.

"You weren't-"

"It doesn't matter. Not then, not now, not ever, because no one will ever know about-" Sev takes a shaky breath and sips at her tea again, silently cursing herself. She'd meant to come about this rationally, not sounding like a lunatic.

"I don't understand. Why have you come to us, Severa, told us about this child- your child- if you're so adamant that-"

"Don't," Severa's harsh command cuts off James's line of questioning, leaving a void in their place that feels as if it can never be filled. Sev huffs a breath, clenches her eyes in an attempt to blink away the hot rush of tears that threaten to spill over and run down her face. She keeps her eyes closed when Lily mutters something to James, too softly for her to hear, doesn't bother to flinch away when Lily grasps her hand.

"Sev," her name is spoken on an exhalation as if it were a prayer, "Why?"

"You know why!" Emotion explodes out of Sev in a hazy crackle of pent up magic, manifesting itself in whispy blue sparks that singe the table top. "The prophecy, that stupid prophecy, spoke of a child borne to parents who have defied him three times, delivered at the end of July; it's either the Longbottom child, your own, or- or mine. He considers one contentious progenitor enough to see my child as qualified," She sneers almost automatically, derisively, at the memory. "The Dark Lord knows of the pregnancy, but nothing of the recent birth of my child, which means she will not be safe staying in my presence for a moment longer. Under your care she can have a brother and a mother and a father, a set of capable and doting parents to protect her whatever the circumstances! With me she'd have only-" Sev pauses, catching her breath in a raspy, shuddery motion as magic sparks around her. When she opens her mouth to speak next she's managed to calm herself enough to bring the sparks and whizz-bangs down to a low fizzle at her finger tips. "If I go back to the Dark Lord with the news of a late-term miscarriage or- or that the child has been disposed of," a collective wince from the duo, "Then he's all the less likely to pursue it. He'll see it as taken care of and continue in his search for immortality or that blasted stick. He won't care for the missing bastard of some half-blooded slut. The girl will have no life worth living if she stays under my care, Lily, and that is why you must take her as your own. You and James; I need you to."

There's a moment of rather intense silence, in which Sev stares imploringly at Lily, obsidian eyes meeting emerald to convey such a heavy rush of emotion that the connection cannot be broken. Lily sighs, then, only after the end of the minute-long staring contest, her shoulder sagging and her head drooping, her hand still wrapped protectively around Sev's. Severa nearly flinches when James, from his post in the doorway (she hadn't even seen him return, let alone leave) answers for the both of them.

"Okay. For you, Severa; okay."

~X~X~

Saturday 31 October, 1981~

It is the burning in her arm that tells her something has gone wrong. It's not painful, not like it is when the Dark Lord calls for her and she ignores it for too long, but it isn't pleasant, either. It sends chills down her spine, and makes her stomach roil with an emotion she hasn't felt in more than a year and has no name for. Severa startles at the sensation and smears ink over a student's essay (already marked liberally with purple correction ink) in her haste to tug at her left sleeve, pushing it up until it rests, bunched at her elbow to reveal-

Nothing. A pale, perfect, unmarred expanse of alabaster skin, bare except for the occasional freckle and what may or may not pass for a potions-related burn scar, the length and width of the ball of her thumb, resting on the underside of her wrist.

Thankful beyond words that the annual Halloween Feast ended a good hour ago, she strides purposefully towards the fireplace, repositioning her sleeve as she takes a pinch of Floo powder from the bowl on the mantle, casting it into the hearth as she shouts out the name of the man she wishes to speak to.

"Albus!" The green flames dance soundlessly for a moment as she paces back and forth, rubbing at her right forearm through her sleeve. It's begun to itch, and scratching, she's learnt, only exacerbates the achy feel that tends to manifest deep in her flesh.

"Something the matter, Severa?"

She scowls at the flames despite the fact that Dumbledore can't see her. The man sounds so damned calm all the time, it's infuriating! Severa knows that he felt at least a ripple of disruption, if she's feeling something this strongly; the old fool just wishes to make her life more difficult than it has to be.

"Yes, in fact. Something's come up and I have to leave the castle for a bit; I didn't think it would be a problem considering the time and the upcoming weekend, but I wanted to alert you should any problems arise in my absence." S _hould you get yourself in a fix that you can't get out of without my assistance._

"Of course. I don't suppose I'm to know where it is you're headed?"

"No. Goodnight, Albus."

The flames flicker and die as she turns away, diminishing into a barely glowing pile of embers as the door swings shut behind her.  
Her last thought before leaving the castle, dressed in heavy robes with a matching cloak, is of Lily and James Potter holed up in Godric's Hollow- which does not bode well for them or for her. If she can place a name to the location in which they've hidden, then the Fidelius Charm has been broken and they're either dead- or well on their way to it.

~X~X~

Severa has to actively make an effort not to vomit as she walks through the decimated structure. From the outside looking upon the cottage nothing appeared out of the ordinary- a small family home with the lights dimmed is nothing to be worried over, especially so close to ten o'clock at night- but simply the fact that she could see the building meant that either the Secret-Keeper or the owner of the dwelling was... indisposed.

She shakes her head, inhaling deeply before opening the garden door. The kitchen- once bright and colorful and full of laughter- positively stinks of spell fire; splintered wood and shattered glass speaking of either a fight between equals or of a powerful wizard showing off (she hates that she knows it's the latter). Stepping over a section of the table to reach the sitting room, she traces her fingers in a feather light touch over scorch marks on the wall. A whole portion of the roof has buckled in and collapsed on the stairs, crushing the wall beneath them. Another quick twist and she's on the landing, barely managing to catch herself on a bit of wall- still standing, thank goodness, though her muttered Strengthening and Reinforcement Charms could have added no disadvantage- as she trips over a fallen bit of debris. She steadies herself before turning to look, hoping and praying to any Gods she can hope will hear her that the object, thing, whatever, won't be a person.

A choked cry tears out of her throat straight from the hollow point in her chest as her eyes come to rest upon the pale, lifeless face of Lily Potter. Her eyes are wide, staring infinitely into the nothingness above her, and the bright emerald shade has dulled to nothing more than a weak imitation of summer time grass. She looks like a wax doll, posed precisely to achieve the greatest shock value.

Severa's chest heaves as she sobs, but the woman allows herself no more time to mourn over the body of her friend; she found no trace of either of the male Potters on the ground floor of the home (the traces of James's magic she felt were concentrated in the kitchen, or else were several hours old) and can only assume they are somewhere beyond the landing with the girl. With a strength she doesn't rightfully posses and can barely muster Severa shoves herself to her feet, taking a wobbly step in the direction of the nursery. The door has been left to hang open, resting on the wall and only attached to the frame by a single hinge. Dust and smoke filter through the air, winding and swirling over fallen chunks of plaster and drywall in a hazily orchestrated display of death.

She keeps herself in the doorway for a moment, trying to quell the nausea she feels as she takes stock of the room. Nappy table, up-ended; toys scattered to all ends of the room; shards of glass tinkling as they continue to fall from the broken pane. Finally, drawing on her last bits of courage- she has no right to, she's a coward in name and being and always will be- Severa turns her attention to where the crib shouldbe, hoping, stupidly, that it will be untouched.

The ceiling has collapsed in on itself, buckling over to create a shelter where the infant's bed once was. From just beneath the edge, she can see a set of socked feet, and nearly heaves again.  
Potter. James Potter, once the boy who- along with his friends- tortured her needlessly for most of her school years, has now become the man who died protecting her progeny. But now is still not the time to dwell, not the time to focus on past wrongs; Severa gulps down several lungfuls of dusty air and raises her wand, deftly levitating the collapsed roof away from the body. The silence that has reigned supreme in the tiny room is immediately replaced with a horrific squalling, the sound far more soothing to Sev's shot nerves than any angelic choir could possibly hope to be.

"Olivia," Fresh tear tracks cut through the quick-gathering grime on Sev's face as she gasps, dripping uncomfortably down her chin as she stifles a sob into her hand. Across the room, her child is alive, and Severa's heart wrenches painfully as she forces herself away from the door frame to the collapsed corner of the room.

"Olivia," Severa is choked by the name and has to section herself to soft murmurs as she approaches the screeching infants, meaningless words like 'darlings' and 'hush' and, the most especially meaningless of the lot, 'it's okay'.

~X~X~

**Author's Note:**

> So, there it is. For now it's sticking at a one-off, but it may turn into a multi-part or multi-chapter thing if the fancy strikes.  
> Comments/suggestions are welcome!  
> UPDATE:: There is, definitely, a second part in the works! Might be as much as a month before it sees the light of day, but never fear; it'll get up here soon!


End file.
